PJ and Neil’s Top 10 List of the “Top 10 Lists” we’d like to see:

When Ben asked us to guest blog several things came to mind. First, are Neil and I really one person? Is this some kind of Fight Club thing where one of us has created an alter-ego? When Neil took Camp by storm as a 17-year old I repeatedly saw him doing or saying things I would do, except better than I would have said or done them. Does this make Neil Johnston my Tyler Durden? People sure call me “Neil” enough, so maybe I shouldn’t let those slide anymore... Though, I cannot say for sure without listening to “Where Is My Mind” by the Pixies, having an epic solo fight scene, and watching the destruction of financial buildings. Only one of those things is taking place right now. I’ll leave up to you to decide which one that is.

The second thing that came to mind was after Ben’s suggestion of a top-ten list: Beez is the list guy! Our friend, Beez, has the depth and breadth of knowledge to relate characters from across genres and Marvel galaxies. He is an aspiring fiction writer where I surely am not. The third thing was the pressure of coming up with a well-researched top-ten list that would live up to the journalistic integrity of Things Ben Likes. Not much needs to be said about this, because readers of this blog know exactly what that means.

Lists are all over the internet. Some of them are well thought out, researched, and clever and some are stupid. To start, I consulted the interweb and found some advice for creating a top-ten list. Yeah, no. We’re not doing that. I’ve already been a subject of a guest blog and all I had to do was chop up some sweet potato fries much less do actual research. When we started coming up with ideas we considered a novel concept (read cop-out): “Neil, why don’t we make a list of top-ten lists we would like to have other people write and just write our frivolous anecdotal comments that we would like to see in each list?” Thus our list of lists was born! Hopefully some of you readers out there feel inspired and can finish one of these lists.

Sports Movies

We both love sports movies. The test of a good sports movie is that the sport is just the backdrop, and everything else around it works well together: music score, acting, dialogue, scenery, etc. But let’s face it, for every Miracle out there, there’s also a Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. So that being said, we’d like someone to rank our favorite sports movies.

A Cappella/Acoustic Covers of Songs

One of the things that we enjoy that makes people question our relationship is our love of the NBC show The Sing Off. It’s a pretty interesting twist on the reality show singing competition craze and you really do get to see some talented groups perform. The show has had many memorable performances and has sparked our interest in other A Cappella groups such as Straight No Chaser, Ben Folds College All Stars and Rockapella to name a few. There are also a number of talented people on this really cool website called YouTube that perform acoustic covers of popular music that sometimes turn out better than the original source material. That being said, someone please make a list of our Top 10 favorite a cappella performances or acoustic covers.

Reasons Why ESPN is annoying

Jon Stewart has made it pretty well known that when 24 hour news networks are on for...well...24 hours, they run out of things to say and it all becomes garbage (we’re paraphrasing of course). We believe the same can be said of ESPN. When a purely sports network is on all day all the time, SportsCenter in particular can be a bit repetitive and annoying. A few of our pet peeves with ESPN are beating a dead horse with another dead horse (see, Tebowmania, Linsanity, etc). Their unrelenting allegiance to football above all other sports - this could be one of the greatest ends to a hockey season ever, and yet Robert Griffin III’s pro day is more likely to get a minute of air time than an overtime win. So that’s 2 good ones, you guys roll with the rest.

Pittsburgh Words

We consider ourselves to have the best duo of yinzer accents of one person from Pittsburgh and one from Wilmington, Dela-who? Unless it’s St. Patrick’s Day at Molly Brannigan’s... Between us, WDVE, Greg and Donny, and Pittsburgh Dad you can get all of the best parts of the Yinzer accent. Yinz, jaggoff, dahn-tahn, nebbie, and slippy are definitely on this list, but getting the next 5 would take a lot of effort. Someone get on that.

Koko’s Favorite Things

Koko is Neil’s cat. She is very cute, but kinda lazy except when she wants food. We know she likes to sleep in front of the fire, trap mice but not kill them, and watch cars go by out the window. But let’s be honest we don’t have the time or the energy to see what 10 things Koko loves most of all. It would be a pretty fun day for someone if you wanted to come observe her for the day though.

Spices besides Salt and Pepper

A long standing argument between Neil and PJ. We will not say what our respective top spice is, but if someone were to generate a list of the 10 best spices (other than Salt and Pepper) it might help settle this debate once and for all.

SNL Bits (of our generation)

Saturday Night Live is constantly going through ups and downs in terms of its quality but in the past few years it seems to have hit its stride (a good Justin Timberlake skit helps). Say what you want about “What Up With That?” but that always cracks us up. The Digital Shorts are always great, as are anything where the host mocks him/herself or really anything with Kristen Wiig. And even though we try and watch every week, it’d just be easier if someone else went through and found the really good ones.

Pop Music Guilty Pleasures (basically every Ke$ha song)

The title really says it all, but no one likes to admit it when they like a song played on Star 104, but there are some catchy tunes out there. But that would mean having to sit through hours of people like this get to the songs and neither of us want to do that.

Neil - Books

PJ - Albums

Neil likes to read more than listen to music and PJ is the opposite (see we’re NOT the same person). So for the last two Top 10 Lists we’d like to see, it would be great if someone could catalog our tastes in books and music albums respectively and then make a list of them. That way we know what to go back and re-read and what to always have a copy of in the car.

The Modern Pittsburgh Woman’s Top Ten Chick Flick Categories

Hello everyone! It’s a privilege to be writing this post (Thanks Ben D!); and actually, it is the first time I have ever been a guest blogger. If you like what transpires, you can check ahhhht the rest of my thoughts and ideas on my personal blog, The Steel Trap or follow me on Twitter @The_Steel_Trap. Enjoy! -HGB

Dating can be difficult. Dating the Modern Pittsburgh Woman (MPW) can be even more difficult. First of all, we aren’t just hanging around anywhere. Secondly (as I highlighted in The Modern Pittsburgh Woman 101 post), we are “hardworking,” “devoted,” “educated,” “dahn-to-earth,” “thrifty,” “nostalgic,” and “refined.” Lastly, when on a date, we believe that a “suitor” must have a working knowledge of our demographic. So how can a “suitor” begin to ensure the overall success of the outing? It starts with movies…

Movies are usually part of the get-to-know-you-first-date(s)-interviews and/or an actual first-few-date(s)-activity. Because MPW are refined, they will be comfortable with the traditional male favorites like Rocky IV, The Hangover or Shawshank Redemption. However, the MPW has her own arsenal of movies that she knows better than she knows which Macy’s have the best shoe departments: chick flicks. Thus, I did a little soul searching and a lot of reminiscing and came up with the Modern Pittsburgh Woman’s Top Ten Chick Flick Categories.

Now, MPW’s will either love or hate any or all of these categories; so it’s paramount that “suitors” are able to contribute to any or all discussions regarding these. It’s important to note that having seen movies in all categories isn’t required; rather, it’s more about having awareness (and maybe even appreciation) for what the MPW may or may not enjoy. Remember, MPW’s want a man that is relatable on multiple levels (but that’s another post for another time). Relate-ability=Re-date-ability!

Anyway, here are the Modern Pittsburgh Woman’s Top Ten Chick Flick Categories (with some bonus Steel Trap insight):

10.) The “Teenage Pop Bubble Gum Totally For Sure” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Clueless, Mean Girls, and Bring It On.

Key references: “As if!”, “That’s so fetch.”, and “These are not spirit fingers. These are spirit fingers.”

9.) The “I Loved This When I Was Little!” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Annie, The Sound of Music, The Parent Trap (Hayley Mills version), and The Wizard of Oz

Key dating tip: She’ll probably never ask you to watch one of these with her; however, if any of them should come up in conversation, DO NOT make fun of her for being nostalgic.

8.) The “Rags to Riches” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Pretty Woman, Maid in Manhattan, and Working Girl

Key plot line: Girl is dahn-n-ahhhht. Girl meets guy who is ahhhht of her league. Girl gets guy one way or the other n’at.

Key dating tip: No matter how progressive MPW may be, there’s a smidgeon of her that loves a great rags to riches (or Cinderella) story. And please know that the fairy tale came long before the March Madness Cinderella story allusions.

7.) The “I Know This Is Terrible But I’ll Probably Watch It Anyway” Flick

Quintessential flicks: He’s Just Not That Into You, Valentine’s Day, and those Twilight movies

Key references: Team Edward and Team Jacob.

Key dating tip: As with The “I Loved This When I Was Little!” Flick, tread lightly with these. There’s a chance that despite the MPW’s education and success, these movies bring ahhhht a glimmer of irrationality and you might lose some clout.

6.) The “Molly Ringwald’s In It” Flick

Quintessential flicks: The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles*, and Pretty In Pink*

Key references: being able to apply lipstick with your breasts, the Molly Ringwald dance move, Jake Ryan, Blaine, and Ducky.

5.) The “Successful Women Wearing Amazing Clothing” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Sex and the City, Sex and the City 2, and The Devil Wears Prada

Key dating tip: Knowing some major fashion designers is always helpful, albeit the MPW is thrifty. She might not blow the bank on most of her clothing purchases, but she has a keen sense of which designers are classic, reverent, and inspiring. If you must watch one of these, go for The Devil Wears Prada (yes, Vincent Chase Adrian Grenier is in it).

4.) The “Wedding” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Father of the Bride (Steve Martin version), 27 Dresses, Bridesmaids, My Best Friend’s Wedding, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Key references: “What color is that? Vomit?”, “…maid of dishonor,” and “Put some Windex on it.”

Key dating tip: The MPW won’t bring up marriage on the first date, you are safe there. Just know that dahn the road, the topic might come up; and you’ll need some knowledge of this category.

3.) The “Dance” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Footloose, Dirty Dancing, Flashdance*

Key references: the 80’s songs from these movies (especially “Footloose,” “Hungry Eyes,” and “Flashdance What a Feeling”), doing gymnastics in a barn to relieve stress, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”, and Jennifer Beals’ infamous cut off sweatshirts.

2.) The “Sinking Ship/There Will Be Tears” Flick

Quintessential flicks: Titanic, The Help, Ghost and The Notebook**

Key references: “I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.”, pies made from poo, “Ditto.”, and Noah.

Key dating tip: Do not point her tears ahhhht to her. Ever. Even when she’s acting like she didn’t know that the ship was going to sink or that people are racist. Let her dab her eyes in pseudo-privacy.

1.) The “Summer Lovin’” Flick
Quintessential flick: Grease

Key references: all songs from this movie (especially “Summer Nights” “Greased Lightning” and “Beauty School Dropout”), “If you can't be in athlete, be an athletic supporter.”, Pink Ladies, T-Birds, and Rydell High.

Key dating tip: If you are going to see any of these movies on this entire list, Grease is the word. I have the commemorative DVD if anyone needs to borrow it (for research purposes of course).

*These also fit into The “Rags to Riches” Flick category.

**This could also fit into The “Summer Lovin’” Flick category

The Happenings Happening

I bugged my good friend Phil B. to do a guest blog post about whatever he wanted, in an effort to promote his upcoming gardening blog. Below is the awesome result. Enjoy!



What's Happening?

As I sit here on a lovely Saturday evening checking out free on demand movies while drinking a bloody mary, I came upon one of my favorite movies, M. Night Shamalamadingdong's The Happening.

I believe it is in the free category since it is such a quality movie (18% on Rotten Tomatoes) and everyone should have the chance to see it.

SPOILER ALERT: The premise of the movie is that plants worldwide are giving off a neurotoxin which causes people to lose their interest in self-preservation.

The plants are producing this neurotoxin as a response to man-made global warming. The horrible thing people in this movie have to run away from is (careful next part is scary): THE WIND. The Happening happens to open with people throwing themselves off buildings, pretty odd.



Now, while watching it for the 37th time, I have been pondering if the events that occur in The Happening are scientifically possible. I have analyzed three facts as scientifically as my biology degree allows:

The first thing I pondered was the possibility that all plants have the ability to work together and simultaneously produce a neurotoxin (of any sort, not just the suicide one of The Happening). Plants HAVE been found to communicate with other plants and insects, a fact stated in the movie, through chemicals.

The theory in the movie is that the plants are exacting revenge on human kind for the climate change, which they have caused. Now the fact that they have evolved something for a very specific reason is a fallacy as evolution is never intentional.

One way that all of the common plants could have the pathways for producing a neurotoxin is a common distant ancestor. This would have evolved a neurotoxin to protect itself from mammals which in turn would affect humans (plenty of plants are poisonous). Since all of the plants are related to the ancestor which evolved the toxic ability, most of them would in turn have the toxic ability.

The other way all plants could contain the neurotoxins would be through genetic exchange in the root connections that plants share. Plants have been found to communicate through chemicals absorbed through root connections where different plants have grown together.

Walnuts are infamous for the chemicals they produce. You cannot plant other plants beneath walnut trees since they produce juglones, which act as an herbicide and will kill any other plants. (If you have seen the movie the group size thing is bull crap too. If a neurotoxin affects humans, group size won't matter). All plants have pores through which they could emit an airborne neurotoxin, called stomata.

The odds of either of the above genetic events happening are very very low. I do hope plants don't attack humans. They are a little ubiquitous to avoid being hurt.

The second thing I went over using my vast amounts of scientific knowledge is whether Mark Wahlberg could be a science teacher. The answer is no. But he CAN sing the Doobie Brothers "Black Water."

The third thing I went over, with my scientific degree conferred upon me by my college I attended, is whether my plants would turn against me. I damn well hope they don't cause I take better care of them than my mother does!!!!

The three reasons why "The Happening" happens to be my favorite movie:

1. A botanist is a hero. As I've said this doesn't happen often (more like never until my series of movies comes out where they will be the hero every time!).
2. It's a movie that says its title within the movie
3. The location where The Happening happens is Pennsylvania, albeit the Philadelphia portion of the state, still have to represent PA.

To wrap up my analysis:

Overall it's a good stab at an environmentalist movie by M. Night Shyamalan and I do appreciate him giving a botanist the chance to be the hero of the movie. Now back to catching up on Doomsday Preppers on National Geographic (oddly enough they haven't done a show about plants attacking humans like The Happening but I assume they'll get there).

-Phil B.

Why Turntable is AWESOME

I was a little late to include this in my current obsessions, but Turntable has ruled supreme lately in my free time.

With a simple process of logging in through Facebook or twitter, it is the BEST way to find and listen to new music with like-minded friends. Before you start thinking this a plug though, try it out for yourself. The search system needs refined, and I'm sure they DJ'ing system will be tweaked, but it is the most fun you'll have online for a long time.

You have the choice to either make a public or private room with your friends and play whatever your heart desires. If they don't have it, you can upload it. If you don't like it, you can lame it. If you DO like it, you can awesome it and give the DJ credit with points.

Don't like the room you are currently in? Leave it and go to a random one, like chat roulette without the peni (yes, plural). Just want to listen at work without the task of DJ'ing? Check out the Indie While You Work room.

At some point in the near future, come DJ with me and see what all the fuss is about.

Current Obsessions

Music

She takes a lot of heat, and was slammed by Rolling Stone & Pitchfork in recent reviews and "bombed" on SNL. She may not have the chops to back up her music. She may have been molded by her millionaire family and bevy of producers. But. Lana Del Rey's album is pretty catchy and different. Here is a track that may have not been overplayed yet.



M83 has been making their rounds on mainstream radio lately, but their entire album is great from start to finish. I'm too lazy after the workday to write long blog posts these days (I'll save that for the weekends), but I'm a nice enough guy to embed some good tunes to download.



Books/Television

Just finished the fourth book in the Song of Ice and Fire series (Game of Thrones), A Feast for Crows which was just as good as the first three.

Speaking of that....

Season 2: Preview - You Win or You Die

Now reading: The Girl Who Played With Fire

Movies

Two movies I've recently seen:

We Need to Talk About Kevin

A haunting portrait of a mother (Tilda Swinton) tortured by the memories and reality of a school massacre initiated by her psychopathic son. This is not a spoiler - it is revealed through a series of flashbacks set against the present day. While Kevin sits idly by in prison, she must deal with outraged community on a day-to-day basis.

Sometimes painful to watch, but not due any gratuiotous violence. That much is implied. The hard parts come in watching Kevin's upbringing and the difficulties which lead him to his actions.

It's impossible not to draw obvious parallels to Columbine, especially if you have the read the book, which goes into great detail in the interviews with one of the shooters' parents. I found that to be the most interesting aspect of the book.

All acting goes above and beyond in this movie of uncharted territory. The academy let this film go largley unnoticed, but they missed the mark on a lot of things this year.



Martha Marcy May Marlene

Starring the younger unknown Olsen sister, Elizabeth, this drama outlines a young woman's journey during and after life in a Manson-like cult.

The movie, much like Kevin, starts out in the aftermath of Martha leaving the cult, and lives the story through a series of flashbacks as she spirals into paranoia.

Martha finds it exceedingly difficult to orientate herself back into society with her sister and well-to-do husband. This movie could double as a case study in stockholm syndrome, as Martha continously identifies with her former group. This is even after she manages to escape.

Once again, this is spoiler free...but an ambiguous last act, it will certainly leave your mouth wide open by the time the credits start to roll.

Olsen was also shunned by the academy, but she turns in a magnificient performance in her first go-round in a major motion picture.

If both of these movies sound like downers, they are. Both of these movies will also make you think, and do so without big budgets, stars or marketing. Check them out on a rainy day.

JVP

I know that by now you'll have read and heard enough, but I wanted to put in my two cents and perspective. For an even better article, check out grantland's piece.

I have never met Joe Paterno in my life. But. He has provided me with more than I can ever repay...education, morals and courage. None of these traits had anything to do with happened on the football field. He's provided guidance in hard times, and a steady lead that one aspired to follow.

I first became interested in Penn State around middle school when I began to understand the rules of football and its complexities. My mom and dad met there, my grandparents met there, and my grandfather's uncle was a professor. My grandfather always found a personal pride in the fact that JoePa was still coaching at his same age. Sadly, they both started to slip around the same age, albeit him with Alzheimer's. I am blessed enough to still have him.

Being that they were the same age, I grew up viewing coach Paterno as a third grandfather figure. To some this sounds completely ridiculous, and to others completely believeable. The tenacity from Saturday to Saturday was inspiring each and every season. I won't waste your time recalling each game I was at, or the extent of my fandom.

What Mr. Paterno would want to hear about is what follows:

-He was the reason I went the Penn State

-He was responsible for a large part of my great education -- financially and literally -- I won a scholarship on an essay I wrote detailing why I looked up to my father and Joe Paterno the most. Once at school, I spent countless hours in the vast library the he and his wife Sue helped fund. At school I took this for granted, but I won't ever again.

-Working at summer camp, it took me four years of building courage to give a lecture in the chapel. I also based this talk on what he meant to me, and what the Penn State way meant in my life. I used this picture to help illustrate my theme. It's always been my favorite sports picture.

Joe never put his finger up to proclaim his team was number one, not once. Maybe it's symbolic since he always put others first.